CLASSIFIED
by Diligent Bird
Summary: Classified advertisements are very useful, the inhabitants of Downton will, surely, tell you the same.


**CLASSIFIED**

**.**

_It was based on a Brazilian chronicle, "Classificados através da História" (Classified through History) by Luís Fernando Veríssimo, when reading it I thought it would be fun to write it in a Downton Abbey version. I don't own Downton Abbey and have no intention on earning money with this story._

_As you can see, my English shameful, therefore, it wouldn't be published if it wasn't for the angelic helping hand of **Lady** **Beaumont**, who gently read and corrected it for me - thank you so much._

_I made a research about English newspapers, but if there's still something wrong, I would be delighted to hear it from you. The same applies to any mistakes in the story._

* * *

_(The Times / The Daily Telegraph, Spring 1917)_

WHEELCHAIR for sale. Made from oak wood, in excellent condition, semi-new. Contact Matthew Crawley, at the Crawley House, Downton, Yorkshire. (This wheelchair is believed to have good luck - the previous owner can walk again!)

_(The Times / The Sunday Telegraph / The Guardian, Summer 1919)_

Refined, cultured, young LADY looks for a MAN. Trifling attributes like age, disabilities and looks don't matter. Those interested may get in touch in writing via the newspaper. If looks don't matter to me, it shouldn't to you.

_(The Times, from 1910 to 1922, every month)_

VALET available. I have excellent skills, the most discrete servant. Also can fix clocks. Those interested may contact Thomas Barrow through this newspaper. (Only entitled men please: Earls, Marquis and Dukes.)

_(The Times / The Guardian, Summer 1916)_

In need of experienced PSYCHIATRIST to cure post-traumatic stress (Great War). Please get in touch with Mr Henry Lang, Lord Grantham's valet.

_(The Lady / The Sketch, Spring 1920)_

Looking for FUN? Have nowhere to go? How about a good time in Scotland, with a whole castle and its gardens, in the company of a fresh, witty lady? Dancing queen, young and sweet, only eighteen Lady Rose MacClare wants a funny girl (or boy) to spend time with her while she's in the family's castle. A lot of fun promised! Get in touch through the newspaper.

_(The Times / The Daily Telegraph, Winter 1919)_

Job opportunity! Robert Crawley, the Earl of Grantham, owner of the most modern cars, seeks a CHAUFFEUR to work for him. Men over 40 years old with English nationality are preferred. Must not read Marx. Must be faithful to the English Crown and God (only Anglican man will be accepted). Please note: Any contact with either of his daughters will result in instant dismissal. Extra points will be awarded to good cricketers.

_(The Times / The Daily Telegraph / Financial Times, Autumn 1920)_

Mr Jarvis, ESTATES MANAGER, looks for a job. Comes with good references and 40 years of experience. His system is an old (and efficient!) one, in which your money is invested with wisdom and security, not like the new young, inexperienced estates managers. If interested contact the newspaper.

_(The Lady / The Sketch, Summer 1870)_

Looking for tips, help, and lucky charms; anything that may help me to give birth to a BOY! Big payment to the most efficient advice, gold is no problem. Letters can be sent to my family in 5th Avenue, nº 1420, New York City.

_(The Times, 1920)_

Is your wife or daughter PREGNANT? Contract the best obstetrician there is to help her to give birth to the darling baby! Easy and quick, as this natural process should be, Sir Philip Tapsell will bring a new life to the world, without the need to go to any hospital! Schedule an appointment today in the Harley Street, London.

_(The Times / The Guardian, Winter 1903)_

War hero willing to buy anything that helps correct LIMP. Contact John Bates through the newspaper.

_(The Times, Winter 1887)_

Patrick Crawley, the Earl of Grantham invites young, WELL-POSSESSED GIRLS, who may find it interesting to visit a great, beautiful property and understand the value of keeping tradition (and help to keep it). Please write to the newspaper and the address will be given to you. Any nationality will be welcomed. Dashing, young lord will be there to receive you,_ personally_.

_(The Times, Summer 1913)_

Handsome, young MAN looks for person to _enter_ in his life. Please note: Keen smoker.

_(The Guardian / The Observer, Autumn 1921)_

FRIEND! Are you someone who has fresh ideas? Who would like to see a fair world, where there's no oppressive SOCIAL CLASSES? Where people command and tradition doesn't matter? Do you need a person to be your friend and to talk to you about these ideas? Contact Tom Branson, Downton Abbey, Yorkshire. (Must have nothing against Catholics and not close eyes while driving.)

_(The Times / The Lady, Winter 1915)_

War widow, with experience as HOUSE MAID, works as _everything_ and sells _everything_. Contact Ethel Parks, The Grantham Arms, Yorkshire.

_(The Times / The Guardian, Summer 1915)_

Having trouble with trunks on your farm? Want someone to drive your TRACTOR for free? Contact Lady Edith Crawley, Downton Abbey, Yorkshire.

_(The Lady / The Sketch, Spring 1913)_

For sale: small DOLL, ideal to give as a gift to your daughter/niece. Won in a fair, as a prize. Made from good quality material, it will last for years. If you are interested please write to Elsie Hughes, Downton Abbey, Yorkshire.

_(The Times / The Lady / The Guardian, Autumn 1921)_

I want to help. Anything you may need help with, I mean anything, contact Isobel Crawley, in the Crawley House, Downton, Yorkshire. PLEASE, LET ME HELP YOU!

_(**BONUS** – The Times / The Guardian / The Sun, January 2013)_

ACTOR looks for job. Good-looking, "Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series" received in 2012. Contact Dan Stevens, sending a letter to this newspaper. PS: No interest in British Television.

* * *

_Let me know if you liked it, just say ":)", "good", "funny", anything!_


End file.
